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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  February 21, 2012 9:00am-9:30am PST

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>> february 20, 2012. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. thank you so much. great show for tonight. my guest tonight, alan huffman an has written a book about
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the dark side of american politics or as it is sometimes known, american politics. let's begin with the battle between religious leaders and the obama administration over contraception in our ongoing coverage of the nanny state. for those of you who haven't been following the story, let me bring you up to speed. years ago adam and eve lived in a garden. let's just scroll up. okay, okay. martin luther nailed 95 thesis. let's scroll up. okay. here we go. two weeks ago the obama administration found itself at the center of a controversy over its decisions to make religious affiliated institutions or their insurers cover contraception as part of their government-mandated health care. the move was seen by some religious leaders as bal's biggest misstep since the time he set aside a chair for elijah wood at the passover seder. there are a couple of orthodox
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jews that really got that. everyone else does not understand. so we have ourselves an old- fashioned liberty stand off. on the one hand the catholic church. they do not want to be forced to pay money for insurance plans for contraception for even their non-catholic employees although they do pay those employees money. the argument could be paid by paying church money, is used for entrance fees to clubs or cats to have sex with dogs. ace street and third avenue. ( cheers and applause ) on the other hand, big business. on the other side are women who for some reason would like to have preventive health care costs provided by their health
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care insurance provider. tough case because the sides are the catholics and women. both are infallible. am i right? so last thursday congressman darrell issa convened a panel that settled the issue. while no ladies were actually allowed to speak until the afternoon session and no ladies actually ever spoke on behalf of ladies, some of these fellows were wearing gowns. so that's something. let's hear the tone that the sausagefest struck in this effort to find balance between religious liberty and the realities of the secular world. >> i don't normally quote from joseph stalin. >> jon: i'm going to stop you right there. we'll just move on to the next guy if that's all right. anyone have a slightly less hyperbolic take on this? >> the violation of a person's religious conscience was nothing less than the rape of the soul. >> jon: that's a quote from
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roger williams and i believe the worst law and order spin-off yet. listen. no one loves their= plan, but soul rape? you may not realize this but catholic church already offers health plans that cover viagra. a.k.a., four-hour johnson juice. i'm guessing that that doesn't rape the soul. some of your employee iz guess are getting that subsidized vie ago a and some of them are single unmarried men. what do you think they're doing with their erection? seriously we'd love to know. send your responses to brian williams care of... ( ( cheers and applause ) so how is it that... i can't wait to find out. how is it that women can't get their pill but men can get
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their pill? as it happens the church answered that very question 12 years ago. >> vie ago a actually answers a medical problem. contraception is a choice that somebody may make, but it doesn't answer a particular health care need. >> jon: two things, why one does 12 years ago look like the '70s on television? have we really advanced that far in 12 years? two, the catholic church says a man is in need but not getting pregnant is more of a want. by the way while i was surprised that the catholic church is pro medically induced boners i was more shocked at the ad it ran to show its support. now, you never know when the spirit will move you.q,:ñm anyway, i digress. i don't know why they both get to wear that. back to hearing. we've already her from the stalin and rapist people. could someone put this in
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terms that are more relateable. >> for my testimony today, i would like to tell a story. let's call it the parable of the kosher deli. >> jon: go on. >> once upon a time a new law was proposed so that any business that serves food must serve pork. can a customer come to a kosher deli, demand to be served a ham sandwich, and if refused bring down severe government sanction on the deli? a nation committed to religious liberty and diversity, the answer is no. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: do you got my people? so your par able about the kosher deli, while delicious, makes no (beep) sense.
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nobody is forcing the kosher deli owner to serve a ham. in the metaphor it's more like the owner of the kosher deli is refusing to pay taxes because his money could go to food stamps which someone might theoretically use to buy ham. to be fair to darrell issa at the hearings a woman was put forth to speak on behalf of someone who needed contraception. that speaker was denied a spot because, you know, stalin rape. anyway, are these ladyless discussions of the battle between religious liberty and female preventive health care a seeming relic of a dying age? to truey understand the complexities women face in their reproductive choices let's go to our new round table segment "jon stewart's eye on the ladies."> tonight, our panel looks at the question. if a religious institution provides insurance to its secular employees, should that
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plan include contraception? jon oliver, let's start with you. >> no. >> jason jones. >> hell no. >> aasif mandvi. >> it's not medicine. i'm not going to pay for it. >> jon: moving on.... >> no, actually, in my experience.... >> you know, i'm just going say something here. >> jon: jason jones. >> i think it's good for women. >> jon: how so? >> i just think it's good for them. it's what i think. >> jon: all right. >> what? >> jon: but birth control oftentimes has medical benefits beyond contraception. the pill can be a treatment for ovarian sifts. >> whoa, whoa, whoa, please, jon. let's not sully a perfectly pleasant conversation about what is good for women with talk of lady parts. >> absolutely. >> i believe their female reproductive system is governed by.... >> jon: the point is, why are condoms in the health care
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bill in the first place? they're not a medication. you don't have to swallow two everyday with meals to stave off flu. >> i'm not fallingú]maé9ñ that again. no, sir. >> that was best christmas party ever. got you. cheers. >> okay. excuse me. you guys don't get to decide whether contraception is part of preventive health care. experts have established that it is. >> yikes. looks like it's high tide again. >> excuse me. >> i made a cat noise implying you're currently going through emotional volatility known to occur during time of women's menses. >> oh, for (beep) sake. 1 >> jon: what are your thoughts on this topic? >> well, honestly i think that we don't get to decide whether
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contraception is a part of preventive health care until experts have already established that it is. >> jon: that's a good point. >> we want to see both sides of the issue. >> open minded. i like that in a man. >> boom, boom, boom, boom. >> yeah, boom, boom. i know. i don't know why i didn't say something like this sooner. >> jon: that's all the time we've got. join us next week. we're going to talk about breast. can we trust women to self examine? >> (beep).
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. now, you may have heard new york city right now is in the grips of lin-sanity. it's gripping the city. this has a dark side as aasif mandvi orts in this edition of lin-decision 2012. >> jeremy lin. he's a hero to both new yorkers and asians everywhere. yet sidely many chinese and taiwan he's fans are prevented from seeing jeremy lin play due to media censorship.
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i went to witness these human rights abuses firsthand under the iron grip of totalitarian rule the streets were filled with wary glances, suspicion and fear. a brave few were willing to put their lives in danger by speaking to me. it's very nice to meet you. >> it's very nice to meet you. >> i'm surprised here in china you would speak english that well. >> this is chinatown. >> i don't know why i took a plane here. >> reporter: ironically while television viewers in china and taiwan can see jeremy lin viewers in new york's chinatown cannot. >> blacked out on time warner for seven weeks. >> there have been no meaningful decisions between time warner cable.... >> two million people can't see the knicks play. >> reporter: one chinatown resident described the oppressive living conditions he is forced to endure. >> in my building we can't get direct tv or any other service like verizon.
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i just feel like a prisoner. i can't watch jeremy lin play. >> time warner comes without msg. sometimes i see it written in the menu. but it's not always... you don't always know. >> i'm pretty sure no msg. >> reporter: it has forced people to risk their lives just to get a glimpse of the lin-sanity. >> he's been kind enough to lead us. jeremy lin against the direct orders of time warner. >> reporter: they crammed together watching a smothered signal in an underground restaurant. and to think this was happening in america. i knew i had to try to help them. so it seemed few tile against such a powerful and far-reaching organization.o1fma maybe i could reason with time warner. so i called them and set up an
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interview. i waited afternoon waited. >> are you kidding me? come on! oh, man! >> with all the lin-sanity consuming the land, it was lin- conceiveable that time warner would keep the most lin-credible story in the lin-ba. >> do you think this will keep prolonging the issue. >> i'm hoping they will resolve it soon joort she wonkfully took him away from you. >> you could say that. >> reporter: is that making you wonk... damn. this is really hard. lin is a much easier name.
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amazingly while we were taping this story, a miracle occurred. >> the "new york times" at least is reporting that there is a deal. they have resolved the dispute and they will hear about it at some point today. >> oh, my god. >> reporter: awesome. the conflict was resolved. but the victims of this abuse will never forget the pain and indignity they've been forced to live through. he chose to express his sentiments about time warner with a poem in his native time. >> time warner. >> reporter: that was beautiful. what does that mean? >> (beep), (beep). ( cheers and applause ) >> j
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guests tonight are former
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newspaper reporters. they currently work as political opposition researchers. their new book is called two insiders who see the dark side of american politics. please welcome them to the show. ( cheers and applause ) hello, alan and michael. come and sit. thank you for joining us. my first question is, who are you working for? now, even the fact that you've put it out in a paperback gives it a sense of intrigue and c.i.a.-type free. like i'm supposed to put this in a bag and then deliver it to somebody in a park and then they read it. it's all very nerve wracking. you're the guys know show up at a local courthouse and say, we were wondering if you have any information on so-and-so? >> exactly. >> jon: do you tell them who you're working for?
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>> that's why we call the book nobody. because when we go in there and start asking questions usually it's about a politician they know. they already know who it is. they're curious who we're with. they always say who are you with to get information. we always say we're with nobody. sometimes i'll say i'm with him. that sort of throws them. >> jon: it goes into abbott and costello territory pretty fast. >> nose dive. >> jon: now, do they ever in the movies i imagine you'd be working and you would find the file and then the music. the jaws music or whatever. they would run to the phone and then the local sheriff who is on the take would come and you would be running for your lives? what is it in reality? >> we usually have a couple of thugs that follow us in a pick- up truck for a couple days. >> jon: is that really true? >> yeah. >> jon: thugs in a pick-up truck. >> a rusty pick-up truck.
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>> jon: thugs in a rusty pick-up truck. >> correct. >> jon: why can't thugs beat up enough people to buy a better truck? really sad. do you only work for one... in opposition research, do researchers generally work for one party or both parties? >> one party. >> we work for the democratic party. >> jon: you do. but your counterpart then would work for the republican party. do you know them? >> no. we never see them. >> we'll walk into a courthouse and the clerk will say somebody was just here asking for that same information, kind of like an alfred hitchcock thing. >> jon: they're looking for dirt on their own guy? >> yeah because we look for our guy too because if you were running for office-- sgod forbid-- ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: i'm going to make your lives much easier. there's a picture of me at a party in college with my balls
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in a tub of "i can't believe it's not butter." let's just end it right there. so you're looking for your guy. what if you find something damaging on your guy? >> well, you know, we don't win any popularity contest because we have to go in and them them. you hope you don't. that's what they pay us to do. we look at our guy just as vigorously as we do our opponent. sometimes you just have to go in and give them the news that there's some stuff there that's not good. >> jon: do they ever say to you, bury this? make this go away? do they ever say it in this tone of voice? bury this. make this go away. >> unfortunately once we dig it up we can't really bury it again. it's already out there. so, no. >> jon: but do they say snit. >> yeah, a couple of times. >> jon: do you get>n-" to decid?
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your goal is basically you're saying basically like we're just finding out the truth. >> right. >> jon: but as you know like those large things are many shades of gray. to use something in a political ad, people bend that all the time. do you have any say in how this stuff is used? >> not generally. we get to see when it goes to the pollster we look at the questions to make sure they're accurate. when the media guys right a script we make sure it's accurate. for the most part our part of the job is done. >> jon: have you done research on a candidate, 200 pages on him. you thought to yourself pretty decent guy but here's the one thing we found. i can't see how this is going to crush him. how do you deal with... andsfu
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>> jon: that would not be a shade of gray. i'm talking about somebody that has done the right thing, seems like an upstanding guy. had something in his past that might not even be illegal but clearly in this election would be damaging. what do you do? >> we're still going to turn it into the campaign but we're going to basically tell them this guy looks clean overall. if you go out there with this, the odds are it's going to make you look bad. they usually don't want to do it anyway because they're always afraid of the blow-back from going negative. you would never know it to watch tv. >> jon: is there a lair underneath you guys of the guys that wear the gloves? and carry 1920s weapons and do things like that? like is there a lair like beyond the opposition researchers that really, where you get into the.... >> i think we're the lair. >> jon: you're the guys. >> we're the bottom lair. >> jon: congratulations for being at the bottom of the bowl. >> thank you. >> jon: we appreciate it. very well written and very
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entertaining. if you want to get a sense of how this stuff operates, a great way to do it. it's on the book shelves now. thank you both. weight loss pre expensive. so to save some money, i just got the popular girls from the local middle school to follow me around.
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ew. seriously? so gross. ew. seriously? that is so gross. ew. seriously? dude that is so totally gross. so gross...i know. there's an easier way to save. geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more.
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>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> i was born and raised here. i love this state. it seems right here trees are the right height. i like seeing the lakes. i love the lake. there's something very special here. the great lakes but also all the little inland lakes that

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